I Love You

since HIM, ive had a massive problem with these three words. i loved you, you said you loved me too but that was bullshit. you dont hurt the person you love.
then there was you. you said that you really wanted to be with me, let me  fall for you too and said you loved me to which i replied 'bullshit'.  i was right. we met up, you tried it on with me but i wouldnt let you go further than kissing and you never spoke to me since. funny idea of love.
then my mum heard me say 'love you' to my best friend befwore hanging up the phone and asked why i never said it to her. well,mum, chels has never said that i have a flabby belly, i look like a scruff, i have tiny boobs, i have massive thighs or anything else like that which you feel the need to constantly remind me about.
fuck i love you. i hate people.

Pissed Off...

You said that nobody has once asked you how your grandad is and that makes us shit friends cos he is going to die. I used to ask all the time and you said he was getting better. i stopped asking cos you stopped talking about it and i thought it was something you didnt want to speak about. but hey, my grandad is dying too. have you aked me at all, even once? no. have i called you a shit friend for that? no. you say your mammar will move in with an auntie you refuse to visit because shes married to someone you dont like? well stop being such a stubborn bitch then. go see her. and you had the nerve to call yourself a young carer and then complain about having to walk your dog? youre pathetic! young carer is a full time thing and they do anything they can to help. what do you do? you look after your brother and sister while your mum goes to visit your grandparents. not a young carer. everybody does that. its called helping out and giving back to your parents whove looked after you for all these years! and then you had a bitch about your 'best friend' yeah she isnt perfect but she does her best and she is always there. you are the shit friend for calling her a heartless bastard. fuck you.

today...

today was the day that you called me beautiful. that you said i was perfect. today was also the day i left the house with no makeup on at all and my hair scraped back. thank you. youll never know how happy you made me :)

Do You Know What Hurts?...

i was there for my best friend of 8 years when she had an ED. when her mum was ill. when her mum was suffering from depression. when her pshyco ex was stalking her abd threatening to kill her. when her mum flipped out at her, ragged her around the room and she turned up on my doorstep shaking and crying because she had nowhere to go. through her SI. and loads more. 

i sat next to her in lesson today. she was excited about her 16th birthday tomorrow. then someone asked who was going out with them at the weekend for her birthday. i havent been invited. yeah, so much for best friends. after all ive been there for you through, you dont even invite me out for your birthday. thanks.

Picture Day...

I dont see one thing that is even remotely good looking about myself. i sat and cried while getting ready for school today because i knew i was going to have to have my picture taken. it takes at least 10 shots for me to get a photo i like but school ones are done in one take.  i have so little self convidence but nobody really knows that. of course they dont, i hide it from the world with a big, fake smile.

Hey :)

So... new blog :) Cant write on the old one anymore cos people who i dont want seeing my business read it. Fresh start! Away from all the posts about my ex and how happy i was with him and the posts about how over him i am.. which are utter bullshit if im honest. Ill be writting everything on here so if you dont like it fuck off and if you do like it then great :)